This is a weird post for me to write because growing up, I didn't come from a family that was always so verbal about God and christianity. Yes, we prayed and were involved in church, but I grew up thinking my relationship with Christ was meant to be between me and Him and nobody else.
Middle school was the time I was most active in church. I participated in Disciple Now, rarely missed Wednesday night supper in the dining hall, and loved Sunday school and my teachers. Life at church was great and I felt accepted. Although I didn't know every story in the bible nor every verse, I never had any concerns about being different in my faith.
High school is when it all changed for me. I was in Sunday school one morning listening to the teachers speak. Once the lesson was finished, we all had a chance to go around the room and say our favorite bible verse. When it was my turn to speak, I recited Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper and not harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Feeling confident in my choice, I smiled waiting for the next person to speak. Instead, a boy cried out, "that's because it's the only one you know!" followed by a snide laugh. I was immediately shot down. The place where I felt safe and accepted no longer existed. How could a christian say something like that? Even worse, I went to school with him and looked up to who he was as a christian.
From that moment on, it was difficult for me to open up. Fearing that my knowledge about religion didn't compare to the other students in class, I began to go to sunday school less and less until I stopped going altogether. Sadly, this fear is still with me today whenever I am around other christians.
During a christian summer camp one day, my cabin team and I were told to play a game. The camp counselor had a bag of m&ms. We were told to stand in a single file line and when it got to our turn, we would be asked about a story in the bible. If we answered correctly, we would get an m&m. As I walked up to the counselor ready to give it my all, I was asked a question I had absolutely no clue about. Not only did I not get an m&m, I had to go to the back of the line. Soon after everyone had answered, I was the last standing. It was like being that kid in the gym and not being picked. I was mortified. Instead of encouragement from the other christians around me, I felt like the odd ball of the group.
I probably went to church a handful of times throughout college. I never really prayed and I never touched a bible. Then I met my saving grace - Tyler Weir. And not just Tyler, but his family as well. Tyler taught me how to speak to God; how to see God in the every day of life. "Look at the beautiful sunset God has created." It frazzled me, at first. I wasn't used to hearing someone so open about Christ. I almost found it to be extremely cheesy. But pretty soon, I was so accustomed to hearing him talk about Christ that I began to do the same. It opened up a whole new door for me. I looked at life differently. I looked at people differently. Throughout my day, I would think about how good He was to me. It was life changing.
When Tyler and I got engaged, we joined a couples sunday school class. That was the first time for me to step foot in a sunday school room in 6 years. To say I was nervous is an understatement. I was welcomed by the most loving people and sunday school teachers. I knew that I could not hide behind my bad experience years ago. I had to let go and let God. Through it, I made friends, I learned how to be a good wife, and an even better Christian.
I mention this today because no matter how strong you think your faith is, how much you know, how much you pray and how good of a christian you think you are, we are all buried in the same size grave. Going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. I've had people who "claim" to be christians lately make comments to me that are so un-christian like. It brings me back to the time I was in that sunday school class. With this, I've realized that all people need help. Even the strongest Christians aren't meant to go at it alone.
A few of my realizations this week:
- Just because you and I disagree with the way we interpret the bible doesn't mean I'm right and you're wrong, and vice versa. I don't understand why there is so much controversy in disagreeing/having a different view on something? If we were made to think the same, we would BE the same. And we all know we aren't the same. Instead of being bitter because someone is different, let's love one another and agree to disagree. Besides, everything in life is between you and God in the end.
- I am not the perfect Christian and I don't pretend to be. I'm actually so far from it. I make more mistakes than I want to admit. But don't judge me for it. Leave that up to the master. Instead, pray for me. Love me. Let's support each other in growing with Christ. Just because you don't understand my journey and the way God is using me doesn't mean you get to tell me how to live my life. I don't do that to you. "Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone."
- My goal this year is to continue to see the good in people. I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day and she mentioned that has always been one of my traits. I might not know bible verses, I might not know stories but I see something good in each and every one of you. Her saying that made me happy to hear. It was something I needed to be reminded of. Sure, it brings a sense of naivety to my life, but I don't mind it. I would rather see the world that way.
I have a long way to go before I get to where I want to be with Christ. Actually, I'm not sure a christian is ever done growing? I've started my first devotional ever in my life, and I find that it helps me in my walk more and more every day. In fact, one of my devotionals last week spoke to me so deeply that I swear it should have had my name on it. Isn't that the coolest feeling?
After all is said and done, I leave you with this: be an encourager. Life has enough critics already. Don't you want to see the good in people? Don't you want to be the light that leads someone to Christ? It's so easy to judge. Don't settle for easy - do what God calls you to do and simply love people. And don't love people because of who they are, but because of who YOU are and who God taught you to be.
If you aren't saved and want to know more about God's love, message me! I will always lend you an open ear. Always.
